| Location | Glasgow, Scotland |
| Age | 0 |
| Cause of Death | Miscarriage |
| Date of Birth | 17/07/2005 |
| Date of Death | 30/12/2004 |
| Visitors | 795 since 19/12/2007 |
| Creator |
♥♥♥♥ PLEASE WOULD ANYONE WANTING TO LEAVE A TRIBUTE TO MY ANGEL MESSAGE ME WITH IT FIRST
OTHERWISE IT WILL BE DELETED, THANK YOU xx ♥♥♥♥
Died: 30th December 2004
Due to Earth: 17th July 2005
Aged: 11Weeks 3Days Gestation.
Family: Calendar was Big brother to Angels Trinity, Leo, Keain, Lilith, Dylyn and to James Samuel
Jonathan Leo (living Child).
I found out I was pregnant on 8th December 2004, so so happy over come with joy calendar was planned
but I never told my family that, I remember walking to my grandmothers but didn't want to tell
anyone just wanted to keep it all to myself as i was only 15 at the time I thought my family
especially my grandmother would not be too happy she had always wanted me to make something of my
life go to college and become something but all i wanted to be was a mother,
So after finding out I was pregnant I started to get excited started to buy things for the baby I
bought alot of clothes, like little baby suits and hats mitts and decorated the baby's nursery
winnie the pooh.. It was sky blue at the top with white clouds and purple at the bottom and a lovely
winnie the pooh stickers and boarder....
So I jumped right into motherhood I had never heard of miscarriage before so never thought anything
would happen I told O/H and he was not very happy he wanted me to have an abortion I refused and
decided to myself if he doesn't want this child, I’ll be happy just to be a single parent but in
no way on god's green earth was I going to kill my child that I had wanted for so long so he refused
to take part in my pregnancy my cat was my only friend she sat on my belly I know she knew there was
a baby there just like me she just wanted to protect it...
I was not looking forward to Christmas that year as it was our first christmas not being a family so
i had to split my time I ended up going to O/H’s mums for christmas dinner and I so badly wanted
to tell her I was pregnant but O/H didn't want anyone to know so I kept my mouth firmly shut
christmas was okay but didn’t see my mum which I was sad about
On boxing day I went to my mothers house for dinner the whole day was so bad I had just found out
she was going to get married to the a**hole that had torn my family apart I ended up bursting out of
the house and running the mile home crying my heart out after that day I sunk into depression felt
sorry for myself and started thinking less about my unborn child stopped eating and sleeping not
really caring what would happen to me....
On 29th I was sitting at my computer as I always did and I started getting really sharp pain in my
side not being pregnant before I just thought it was part of pregnancy and just shrugged it off
trying not to think about it and that night I went to bed not even worried that my unborn child
might be dying ...
On 30th December the pains started getting worse and I wasn't sure what to do really at about 7pm
that evening I went into O/H’s bed room to ask for his help but he was playing a computer game so
didn't pay much attention to my cries of pain and so I left going into the toilet then I seen the
blood there was alot of it and then after sitting there for about half an hour I felt the urge to
push and then placed my hands to catch what I was pushing at that point I knew it was my baby, I
wrapped him up in toilet paper and took him to see his father but O/H only got mad and said that he
didn't care and that it wasn't a baby i went into my bedroom to get a little box to place him in but
me and O/H started fighting and in a rage he was flushed down the toilet wish I had saved him...
He was not formed properly but you could still tell he was my little baby he was so tiny and I fell
in love with him me and O/H started fighting alot after that he said that I would have been a bad
mother and become really nasty and cold towards me all I wanted was someone to talk to about my baby
but I couldn't find anyone to listen I joined an online support group which did help for a bit ...
I started thinking about names and there is a lovely little town in Scotland called Callendar and
because I only had him for such a short time I decided Calendar was the perfect name he was named
James after my older brother and uncle.
Happy 4th Birthday Calendar James X
Bereaved Birthdays
Birthdays are a time for celebration
Not a time for tears
But what happens when the birthdays
No longer mark the years
A birthday marks the moment
A spirit enters earthly life
To share its special love and joy
And learn from earthly strife
Before a spirit comes to us,
It knows when and how it must depart
It chose its path carefully,
We are honored from the start
The sadness we now feel on such a joyous day
Is longing for our loved one's touch
It's natural to feel this way
For even though the birthdays
No longer mark a spirit's stay
Love continues on forever
To touch us everyday I hug my precious memories
Close to my heart
And honor my beloved spirit child
Who chose me from the start
(poem)
Calendar my first angel hard to believe you would have been 4now, would have been starting school soon, growing up, playing with your auntie beca and your little brother james, but your up in heaven keeping your brothers and sisters in line, but i hope you all have fun on this happy time.
have a lovely day my angel missing you always
Mummy XXX
love you
just wanted to post by and say i love you so. there nothing that will happen that will ever change that so!
Love mummy X
To mine, my Angel, my Always... (continue)
I got a chance in your brother and I am utterly wasting it and I can't even help it.... I know he would have looked like you.... his dark eyes with the edged out look of blue, this dark hair, much darker than mine, and so much straighter than my own, hair I would have killed to have, unlike this frizzy mess I got.... but would you smile like him, would you be quiet and independent like him , or would you want me, want me to hold you.... if you had lived what would life be like, would I still be this horrible mess of a person? Would you be here, 3years old and tell me how much you really were disappointed in me? Sometimes I am so jealous of you, so jealous that you now get peace and I am the one left here suffering... the only one left suffering.... noone cares you were here and it seems like noone cares you died? I held your tiny perfect body in my hand for one second and I... I should have saved you.... saved you from your father, saved you from me.
Its been 4years since you died and I feel each year I am just getting worse not better, the pain is building not decreasing….
I wish so hard sometimes that at night when I am alone that its not really real, that I dreamed this whole thing, that you are in your bed, and at the first sign of a nightmare you will come running to my bed, climb in beside me and want me to comfort you, but really I need you to comfort me….
Noone will ever take your place, but I was so hoping for another baby in my near future, but was it really just a mistake that I got your brother not a bad mistake just it was not really meant to be and some how it happened, he survived against everything, against the odds, but why couldn’t you? They say that everything happens for a reason so what was your reason? What was the reason that you died?
I guess even with all the questions I have they will never really be answered and I will always be alone…. So alone….
Until we meet again my angel, I do love you and god I can only hope that you are okay, and free from pain!
Ever tear I cry is for the love I have for you….
I’d cry a river if it brought you back but I’ve cried a ocean and your still not here!
I remember after your sister passed away that I used to miss seeing your father, just to remember what you would have looked like to see you in him, I always wondered if he seen you in me…. As much as I might have different feelings about your father do look after him ah?…. He was your father if nothing else…
I love you so much little Calendar…. Your brother holds your middle name as his lift but your hold a piece of my heart little one…. My oldest child…. You may be my baby forever but you will always be my first!
Love Always Mummy XXX
To mine, my Angel, my Always...
I write this through tears, my heart weighing so heavy in my chest, I feel like it could explode right out the pain, the everything. sometimes I wish for it, just to make it stop. yesterday I cried, I cried so much I feared I would never stop, then your brother joined me, he cried too... we cried together, not sure if his tears where for you or because I was breaking my heart, I thought, I thought so hard. was it time to be with you, had I suffered enough yet, would it ever really be over? Would it ever really be gone or was I fooling myself.....???
People tell me I am strong so why do I always feel weak, why do I always feel like I am only seconds away from breaking, my body is weak and my mind is too.... but I can't escape this world this pain, I just breath, keep breathing, keep accepting that tomorrow will come even if I don't like it, I keep thinking tomorrow will come like another hard day to live through not another day closer to the pain ending....
I wanted to do something with my life, I wanted to make you proud but I don't know that I really can.... that I can be the person that everyone wants to be....
I want to be brave.... I want to be strong, but I feel like I am fight with a weight so much stronger than my own....
I cry for what I lost, for what should have been but more horribly I cry mostly for myself, because I am selfish, and I don't want to be... I want to be able to say I had you, I got to have you for that short time but I was blessed instead of being like this and saying I lost you, and I lost the future.....
What should have been...
As i sit there the eve before your 3rd birthday my heart feels heavy and my eyes glazed over, i keep thinking about what should have been and what toys i should have been sorting for tomorrow so you could open and that you could play with, your life filled with joy and huge smiles. running carelessly around like other kids your age and me being able to hold you and kiss you and play along with the games you would create. 3 tomorrow, seems like only yesterday you were here, and then you were taken from me, so much has changed since you were here so much good has happen but also so much bad has too... i shouldn't think it but i often wonder if the good is really worth all the bad, but for now my angel you should sleep, keep your brothers and sisters save and look apone me and little James, huge huggles my sweet angel Love Always Mummy XXX
to lynne
lynne I read your story and my heart goes out to you
I lost my boy in august but I got 24 years of him
his little boy was born a month after he was taken from us
you must have been very brave to go through all that my your self I hope you have met some one else and he is looking after you
your litle boy will be looking down on you and you will meet him again one day
god bless you and all your family xxx
on your 3rd anniversary.
missing you so much my little man, please know that i am thinking of you always and will light our special candle for you tomorrow, please watch over us all little one....
love always and forever mummy XXXX
When you were born, an angel smiled,
As you became a child, an angel sat on your shoulder
When you became an adult, an angel held your hand
As you grew old, an angel walked down the road with you,
And, when you died, another angel got their wings.
if you need someone to talk to visit baby taylor-burns's page, i have a simillar story to yours so feel free to come and talk to me. tc xx
To My Angel
You were my first little angel and its been so long since you left but there isn't a day that goes by that mummy doesn't think about you. I was so young but wanted you so much, but it was not the right time, you knew that, thats why you left even if it did cause me pain. I'll miss you forever.
see you in heaven my little one.
Love Mummy
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